It's Not (All) About Me

It's not all about me - um, yeah I keep being reminded of that annoying little fact over and over again. Apparently I have a very short memory when it comes to remembering how to live selflessly in this big, bad world. Of course, being single AND childless lends itself to a higher level of narcissism because there are fewer people making demands of my time and energy; if I'm not careful I become so focused on MY interests and MY needs that I fail to even try and meet the needs of those around me.

In really taking stock of my life I know that even if I never get to be the kind of "life-giver" I've always wanted to be, read: WIFE & MOMMY; I should still give life in other ways, and I NEED to, otherwise my existence feels meaningless. Most of the ways I try to give life are subtle, like staying connected to family.....being present for and spending time with my nieces and nephews.....nurturing friendships by striving to be vulnerable, loyal and gracious. Those things are important and take a great deal of time and emotional energy (especially the vulnerable and gracious parts, I often fail miserably in those departments!) Yet, I long to do more, and the reality is that I CAN do more without sacrificing the time and space I need to recharge and stay connected to Christ so I can truly live my faith.

So, I've begun volunteering again thanks to my friend Lizzo. Tuesday nights are now devoted to assisting her teach English as a Second Language (ESL) to refugees from Somalia. It's a humbling experience and one that makes my heart beat a little faster and adds a spring to my step. We've been on a break for the holidays and I've really missed those ladies. Seeing them arrive in their traditional, colorful outfits; babies slung across their backs. Learning the ABC's of our language while simultaneously adapting to a culture that is vastly different from their own. And the men, so proud of their achievements, making each lesson a competition, smiling like little boys when they say the right word. Oh, and the kids, so curious and wide-eyed and snuggly, with huge, welcoming smiles.....I could spend every second just adoring them.

As I watch them, these amazingly beautiful people from a tribe forced into slave labor during their country's ongoing civil war, I wonder. How did they survive to find joy and happiness again? Do they struggle against the sting of bitterness at all they have lost? How do they manage to live here, in the land of excess and keep their priorities focused on their families? Do they awaken to nightmares as memories of the past invade their sleep? Do they struggle with fear and anger? Or do they just rest in loving each other because they have suffered much and know that their families and communities are what matter most? It's funny, because even though I am one of their "teachers" (I use that term VERY loosely!) I can see that in answering my questions they will teach me more than I will ever teach them. Life really is ironic.

The Elf Louise Christmas Project

If you're unfamiliar with Elf Louise you can click on this link to read about the organization's philosophy: http://www.elflouise.com/philosophy.php

Last night I took a turn volunteering with Elf Louise after a friend (Hi Becky) who is on the Board sent out a very nice, non-desperate sounding email in November requesting help at the Checkers' table. And I, being a nice elf and all (minus the funny hat and pointy shoes) decided that I would like to play a game of checkers, er, I mean participate in something honorable this year. So I left work a little early (although, just in case my boss reads this let me clarify that I've been working extra from home, so I'm still putting in my hours.....) and made my way to a 50,000 sq. foot warehouse full of toys waiting to be chosen as gifts for underprivileged kids in our local community.

Now Becky had already warned me that the warehouse had no heat and no air conditioning, therefore I should dress in layers and wear COMFORTABLE shoes (hence the reason my cute elf shoes stayed in the closet.) I arrived in jeans, a pullover fleece top and tennis shoes ready for my 3 1/2 hour shift in the cold, but turns out that Jack Frost forgot to drop by so I spent 3 1/2 hours working in the heat, wearing fleece.... I also arrived expecting 9 other people to be helping, but there were only 5, and only one with experience, the rest of us were Elf Louise virgins. Curiously enough, my "friend" failed to mention how physically demanding the position of "Checker" would be. Now, I have been working out, I'm strong and I walk several miles a week, but I was WHOLLY unprepared for the 4 hour cardio workout I received. Seriously, by the end of the night I was a sweaty and stinky mess - my hair was matted and damp, my makeup was gone and I smelled like a Greek in August, and as Stephanie can tell you, THAT AIN'T PRETTY. But ask me if I'd do it again and I'd say yes in a heartbeat.

There is something deeply satisfying in the act of giving and doing something selfless for others, especially underprivileged children who didn't create their circumstances. Yes, I know our culture is greedy and saturated with "stuff" and most of us have everything we need and much of what we want. And even our poor have an overabundance that much of the world lacks. But, I also know that the little kids who will receive these gifts may not receive anything else this year. And they will be excited to receive a toy that hasn't belonged to anyone else. They will be delighted with the dolls and trucks and musical instruments and High School Musical trinkets. They will love their new teddy bears to death and will grow up with the knowledge that somebody, somewhere cared enough to give them a little bit of joy this year. Sadly, there will be some who do not fully appreciate the gifts, but I'm not willing to take the risk of one innocent child receiving nothing in order to weed out the greedy. I'll let God deal with those matters and I'll continue to be a part of things that make our community a better place to live.

So thanks Becky for all of your years of service, I know you've been volunteering since you were a Girl Scout and you and your family have given selflessly to this and many other causes consistently. Thanks for letting me be a part of something so magical. Thanks for letting me see the faces of awkward, adorable 12-year-old boys as they brought their interestingly wrapped gifts to the table for inspection and bagging. Thanks for letting me watch the "too cool for school" teenagers as they gave a little bit of themselves and realized that they were participating in something special. Thanks for letting me watch mothers teach their children how to give to others who truly want for things that they take for granted. Thank you for letting me give of myself. It was a great night, especially after the masseur performed his magic!