There's a beautiful movie out now called "The King's Speech". Last night it won four Oscars, two of which included best picture and best actor. It was so well conceived, produced, directed and acted, and I was so completely immersed in the story, that at times I forgot it was a movie. Colin Firth WAS the stammering King George VI. It was thrilling to finally watch him succeed and unite Great Britain at the start of WWII.
Stammering, or stuttering as we sometimes call it, is unfamiliar to me. I don't struggle with it personally and I'm not sure I know anyone who does. It shocked me to feel such intense heartbreak as I saw the toll the King's stammer took on him and his family. A stammer crippled him emotionally because he could not articulate the words his mind so desperately wanted to say. That hit home with me.
Although I don't struggle with a physical stutter, I definitely struggle with an emotional one, or several, at times completely incapable of saying what I want or need to say, no matter how important. People with a strong opinion or a voice of their own used to terrify me because I spent so much time trying to be whomever everyone else wanted me to be.
Perhaps my inability to find my emotional voice is why I identified so strongly with the King. We were both silenced by our respective stutters. Like the King it took a lot of hard work for me to find my voice and learn to use it properly. Also like the King, even with all that I've learned and the confidence I've gained, I still stutter a little when I use it. But, practice makes perfect and I've had a lot of opportunities to practice lately! Maybe as I continue to acknowledge and accept the reasons for my emotional stutter(s) I will experience deeper healing, which will inspire me to keep practicing so that others will no longer notice my awkward voice. Until then I'll memorize the words to Helen Reddy's famous song:
I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an’ pretend
‘Cause I’ve heard it all before
And I’ve been down there on the floor
No one’s ever gonna keep me down again
Oh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Partial lyrics to I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar
