 |
| Photo by Kristina Paukshtite from Pexels |
Today I woke up
again (yay!), just a few days after waking up to a new decade of life.
Fifty beautiful, crazy, painful, thrilling, frightening and enlightening
years. More than once in the past decade, I wasn't sure I would keep
waking up. Death kept kicking in my door. Invading my comfortable,
secure, and pleasantly-controlled life. Yet, miraculously (I don't say
that lightly), I survived those invasions in "that should not be
possible" kinds of ways. And those sudden, face-to-face battles with
the grim reaper changed me forever. I woke up to my mortality and faced
it like a boss. I woke up physically and spiritually. I learned
that every sunrise has a sunset, but happily, every sunset has a sunrise.
I woke up to the reality that control is but an illusion. I woke up to
the deep, abiding, unconditional love of the Father for little old me.
Today is my
'heartiversary'. Three years since a pesky heart defect, previously
unknown to me, tried to take me down. Looking at where and who I am now
reminds me that no matter the circumstances, I can survive and I do not
have to walk alone. Ironic, because even as I say that, I am COMPLETELY
alone thanks to COVID-19. But even in the midst of my (and your) first
world pandemic, and life suddenly reading like the script of an apocalyptic
movie, I'm glad I keep waking up.
This present
darkness, this pandemic that is wreaking havoc and fear, ripping control out of
our desperate hands, sinking world economies, threatening the lives of
millions...it can provoke so much anxiety. Sometimes, like this one, the
crisis is so daunting, so bitter, so heartbreakingly lonely, so frightening
that you risk crumbling in terror. Peace won't come from getting angry,
reading the hourly news reports, hoarding toilet paper, food, or medical
supplies that should go to the medical community. It will come from the
Almighty. If it isn't your time to go, then you just have to keep putting
one foot in front of the other. Keep doing the 'next right thing' because
pretty soon you'll wake up tomorrow, and the next week, and month, and year and
before you know it you will have survived the unsurvivable. You will have
lived through the thing that scared you the most. You will be stronger,
and wiser, and kinder, and more compassionate. You will feel more alive
and more like yourself than you ever did. Oh, you will grieve, and you
will cry buckets of tears, because the necessary act of remembering will be
painful. You may freeze in some of those memories and feel the panic
bubbling to the surface again. But if you breathe deeply and look closely
you will find God in the miraculous and mundane moments, just as you will find
him when everything is coming up roses.
Finding him and
truly knowing him will be the first step in letting go of the need to control
every little thing. The first step in finding joy in the journey instead
of fighting to hold on to what was. Lean into what is and you will
breathe freely and learn to live well no matter your circumstances or
finances. You will gratefully recognize the manna brought to you in the desert. Simple pleasures like the joy of hugs, enjoying family, breaking bread
with friends, walking around freely, and the inexplicable peace of Christ that
passes all human understanding will become your favorite things.
So maybe waking
up is what is happening to us all in the midst of chaos. We are waking up to
our selfishness. We are waking up to how our greed has damaged our
societies. We are waking up to how badly we have cared for the planet
entrusted to us. And we needed to, it is just such a steep price to
pay. Until we meet again, hold fast. Stay strong. Love
well. Breathe deeply. Seek joy. Life
is closer than you think. May the peace of Christ rule your
hearts today and always.
