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| Flying over Greenland April 2009 |
Now that I'm firmly planted at the top of the proverbial hill, I have to say that I'm actually enjoying it and do not plan on leaving for quite a while. The ascent was painful and exhausting, the hill was steep and I was not always in the best shape for the climb. But now, although my muscles are tired, they are stronger and all of the hard work of living and healing has finally begun to pay off. The view is breathtaking above the clouds!
Several incidents this fall and winter reminded me of how quickly life can change. My cousin drowned and miraculously survived; a 41-year old high school friend was killed in a tragic accident; my 30-year-old receptionist suddenly lost her 41-year-old-husband to a heart attack; a former co-worker overdosed and is on a ventilator, not expected to live. Those split-second tragedies made me more determined than ever to absorb every detail of my life, live every day to the fullest and embrace what I've got before it's gone. I don't want to take my health, my job, my friends or my family for granted. I don't want to miss important moments because I'm too self-absorbed to be fully present for others. If life is like hiking then I know that the descent will be much faster than the ascent, so I'm hanging on to experience every second of a fast and furious ride!
The greatest thing about reaching the top of the hill is the way it has changed my perspective:
- I've stopped letting others' failures against me define me negatively
- This was huge for me. For years I simply tried to stop any one's failures against me from impacting me in anyway, but ignoring the crimes, and I do mean crimes, against me meant that I had to deny a lifetime of experiences and how they shaped me. Since all experiences define me to some extent, I'm intentionally looking for the beauty in the pain. It has made a world of difference and let me grieve my wounds while emerging from the process stronger, kinder, gentler and more compassionate. God is miraculously making something beautiful out of the evil.
- I now understand the difference between arrogance and confidence and the latter has become like a second skin, at least most of the time! ;-)
- I am MUCH more comfortable in my own skin and no longer feel the need to pretend to be someone I'm not. I shattered the mold others kept trying to force me into and it was the most liberating thing I've ever done
- I'm taking advantage of the fact that I live in a country where a woman can spread her wings and pursue an education even if she never marries or has a family. I am going back to school. Phase 1 has begun and I am in the beginning of an 8-month professional certification course. Phase 2 will begin in the fall when I begin work on my Bachelor's degree - God-willing. I'm nervous but excited and proud of myself for finally overcoming my fears related to college
- It's important that someone in this world need me and depend on me, even if it's just an adorable little Yorkie named Zeus!
- My faith is my own. It's strong, deep, rich and alive and I wouldn't trade the intimacy I've found in my relationship with Christ for anything in this world
