The View From The Top

Flying over Greenland April 2009

Now that I'm firmly planted at the top of the proverbial hill, I have to say that I'm actually enjoying it and do not plan on leaving for quite a while.  The ascent was painful and exhausting, the hill was steep and I was not always in the best shape for the climb.  But now, although my muscles are tired, they are stronger and all of the hard work of living and healing has finally begun to pay off.   The view is breathtaking above the clouds!

Several incidents this fall and winter reminded me of how quickly life can change.   My cousin drowned and miraculously survived; a 41-year old high school friend was killed in a tragic accident; my 30-year-old receptionist suddenly lost her 41-year-old-husband to a heart attack; a former co-worker overdosed and is on a ventilator, not expected to live.  Those split-second tragedies made me more determined than ever to absorb every detail of my life, live every day to the fullest and embrace what I've got before it's gone.  I don't want to take my health, my job, my friends or my family for granted.  I don't want to miss important moments because I'm too self-absorbed to be fully present for others.  If life is like hiking then I know that the descent will be much faster than the ascent, so I'm hanging on to experience every second of a fast and furious ride! 

The greatest thing about reaching the top of the hill is the way it has changed my perspective:

• I've stopped letting others' failures against me define me negatively
• This was huge for me.  For years I simply tried to stop any one's failures against me from impacting me in anyway, but ignoring the crimes, and I do mean crimes, against me meant that I had to deny a lifetime of experiences and how they shaped me.  Since all experiences define me to some extent, I'm intentionally looking for the beauty in the pain.  It has made a world of difference and let me grieve my wounds while emerging from the process stronger, kinder, gentler and more compassionate.  God is miraculously making something beautiful out of the evil.   
• I now understand the difference between arrogance and confidence and the latter has become like a  second skin, at least most of the time!  ;-)
• I am MUCH more comfortable in my own skin and no longer feel the need to pretend to be someone I'm not.  I shattered the mold others kept trying to force me into and it was the most liberating thing I've ever done  
• I'm taking advantage of the fact that I live in a country where a woman can spread her wings and pursue an education even if she never marries or has a family.  I am going back to school.  Phase 1 has begun and I am in the beginning of an 8-month professional certification course.  Phase 2 will begin in the fall when I begin work on my Bachelor's degree - God-willing.  I'm nervous but excited and proud of myself for finally overcoming my fears related to college 
• It's important that someone in this world need me and depend on me, even if it's just an adorable little Yorkie named Zeus! 
• My faith is my own.  It's strong, deep, rich and alive and I wouldn't trade the intimacy I've found in my relationship with Christ for anything in this world

Looking forward to enjoying this view for a long time to come! 

Purple Elephant Ears

On a warm, December Saturday in South Texas a mixed group of at least 20 ladies gathered at "Painting with a Twist" to celebrate the birthdays of a few friends. We signed up to paint a replica of a famous Van Gogh painting.

Here's a look at the beautiful original:

"Irises in a Vase" by Van Gogh

Here's a look at the replica used at Painting with a Twist:

Replica by Painting with a Twist



The set-up was nice.  A cute little studio with friendly instructors, easels, aprons and large, blank canvases.  Yikes.  It's a good thing there was an abundance of wine, cheese and chocolate! 

How in the world was I, a non-visual artist going to paint something that even came close to resembling that?  The short answer?  I wasn't.  Sigh.  Let me say it another way, I WILL NOT be quitting my day job!  All of the ladies did a great job, or at least produced something much more palatable than my "beautiful disaster".  But you know what, I had a blast, we ALL did.  Lots of laughter and joy, and hey, I now have my white elephant gift for this year!    

My "masterpiece", or rather proof of my artistic failings!

"Purple Elephant Ears"



Jet Lag

Lately I have been SO tired that all I can manage is sleep and sometimes a little work.  There are only 2 things that make me this tired: Mononucleosis and jet lag.

Of the two I prefer jet lag.

Honestly, if I have to be this tired, it should be for a good reason!It's not that I love jet lag in and of itself. No, I don't like having my internal clock turned topsy-turvy.  It's what jet lag represents to me that I love.  I'm fortunate because when I travel it's for pleasure.  For a few weeks, excitement and adventure replace my mundane, daily life.

• I experience exotic adventures
• Listen to a symphony of foreign languages
• Taste a variety of new foods - some good, some bad but all memorable!
• Eat my weight in pistachio GELATO - if I'm anywhere in the vicinity of Italy that is
• Try to figure out how to flush the toilets, even those award winning loos in England.......
• Suspiciously enter a futuristic, self-cleaning WC in Paris before exiting in awe
• Curse as I attempt to use a squatty potty without needing to take a shower after...ugh
• Ride miles and miles on planes, trains and automobiles (and metros, tubes, subways and boats!) on my way to new destinations
• Walk in the footsteps of HISTORY
• Gaze upon priceless works of art: Mona Lisa, Statue of David, Van Goghs, Monets, Picassos, Whistlers, etc...
• Gape at fascinating architecture - from the ancient Acropolis to the modern Eye of London

Those are just a few of the things afforded to me by jet lag.  At this juncture in my life I'm thrilled that I have indulged my adventurous side and traveled the world, even if I'm often alone, with little money and exhausted from working an extra job to pay for the privilege! I leave with a broader knowledge of other cultures and the history that shaped them, a deeper understanding of the people who live in those cultures and a lifetime of memories that make me smile and sigh contentedly.   Traveling has become a passion for me and every last minute has been worth the adventure.  Here's to hoping for many more adventures in the years to come!

My Inner Hippie

I found my inner hippie last night. I didn't know she was lost until my boss gave me concert tickets to Rain: The Beatles Experience. And for those of you who don't know, my boss does everything in style.

• The Majestic Theater
• Box seats
• Private lounge
• Valet parking

It started with I Wanna Hold Your Hand and ended with my favorite, Hey Jude. The other 2 hours were filled with songs like Yesterday, Come Together, Let It Be, Hello Goodbye, A Hard Day's Night, Eleanor Rigby, Girl, Across The Universe, I Am A Walrus. As much as I enjoyed the concert, can I be honest and say that I've always hated the walrus song? Last night didn't change my mind. It's still awful.

But, otherwise the night was AMAZING. I feel like I saw the REAL Beatles live in concert. It was an unbelievable show. Psychedelic lights, a multi-media presentation, musicians who almost perfectly imitated the real stars in look and sound. It made me wish I had seen the real deal. If you appreciate music at all then walk, don't run to the nearest show!

Now if I can just finagle a way to see U2 and Coldplay live in concert before I die.....


http://www.raintribute.com/

Happy Things

A few weeks ago as this latest season of thanks was blown in on the cool, fall breeze, I began my annual tradition of reflecting on the things for which I'm overwhelmingly grateful. Obviously I have an infinite number of reasons to humbly offer my gratitude to the Almighty, and trust me I do - obsessively. But, aside from the never changing blessings of my faith, health, job and freedom - I have an eclectic list of things that bring me joy. Here is a small, by no means exhaustive, list of some of my most recent, favorite, "happy things":

* Run on sentences, keep reading and you'll see why; it would be truly impossible for me to blog or journal without them!

* Good, original, funky, contemporary art with amazing colors, interesting composition and unexpected form, it has made decorating my place so much more exciting, especially when I find something unique that no one else will ever have.

* Hummus, I think I should invest in it because I eat it almost every day without fail. I like all varieties and shovel it in like a starving, desperate woman instead of a civilized, obviously well-fed American. It's too good for me to pass up and I hope I never have to live without it. Yummy!


* Pedicures are such a delightful way to spend an hour, what could be better than someone massaging my feet and calves, putting goopy, smelly green stuff on my feet and scrubbing off my callouses to reveal soft, smooth skin all before painting my toenails in lovely shades of "Rosy Mistletoe" (complete with daisies to decorate my big toe), "Let Them Eat Cake", "Smokin' in Havana" or "Grand Canyon Sunset"?

* Mineral makeup that doesn't cake or sink into the "fine lines" that have sprouted on my once smooth face. This stuff is great, comes with an SPF of 15 and doesn't fade as quickly as liquid makeup, which I loathe anyway; it also doesn't rub off on my clothes and does a fairly decent job of covering my "spots" as my nephew likes to call them. I'm a believer and there's no goin' back now, look for me on the next infomercial!


* Soy Chai, from Starbuck's to Serina's I don't care just serve it to me hot and I'm happy, this stuff is ADDICTIVE (thanks for getting me hooked Serina) and a very nice treat when the weather is cool and I'm tired of diet soda.

* 1010987. I LOVE those 7 digits because dialing them symbolizes one of the best parts of my week, the chance to talk to Laurie for a good hour or two, even if it is usually at some horribly early hour on this side of the Atlantic when I should be snoring, but instead find myself dialing the magic numbers that let us stay connected, INEXPENSIVELY, even though there are thousands of miles and 7 hours between us.

* Cheap gas - $1.65/gal yesterday, I haven't paid that little since 2005!!! Although as a side note, I must add that I would be even MORE grateful if "W" and Dick would try to rectify at least one of their many booboos and "encourage" their greedy, price-gouging, CEO friends to refund us lowly middle class folk for all of the overpriced gas we were forced to purchase the past 3 years....okay, back to happy things!

* Silence - which mostly brings me peace, serenity and rest, especially if I have my candles lit and the air is scented with a mix of spices, and I'm wearing my pink plaid flannel jammies. I crave silence, which scares me on some level because it confirms that I have officially turned into an old fogey, as evidenced by my near panic attacks at the thought of too much noise and/or chaos, unless I'm at a concert or something, at which point silence is way overrated. But, I have to be honest and admit that sometimes I can't stand the silence and freak out and become completely irrational and difficult to handle. This usually occurs when I'm in the throes of PMS and as Laurie, Serina or Steph can attest to, it's NOT pretty, which leads me to my next happy thing.....

* Girlfriends. How would anyone of us survive our emotions, men, families, fashion and PMS without a girlfriend, or two, or three, or four, to listen to us whine, moan, kvetch, vent and over analyze every word, action, deed or encounter we have with every single person in a given day? And HOW would we ever go to the bathroom alone or know what to expect when contemplating hair dye, new laundry detergent, lipstick shades and the best shampoo? Impossible to imagine.

* Malibu Castle - okay, to be honest I don't really love this place for me, BUT I do love to spend time with my nephews and THEY love this place, so that means I love it by default because it makes them happy and I get to watch and participate in their happiness, which in turn makes me happy! Got that?

* Road trips are still fun even after experiencing so many of them, especially when I don't have to drive - watching the miles pass by, wondering about the drivers and passengers in other cars, singing with abandon, keeping an eye out for the next bathroom, trying to figure out how to read the map/directions so we don't get horribly lost in an unfamiliar city - been there, done that! (note to self - on a map, "W" is an abbreviation for "West" not our outgoing President......)

* My Personal Trainer - as I type this I'm forcing myself to be grateful because her idea of a workout is more like my idea of torture. And since she won the battle of wills today I can barely walk, instead I'm kind of hobbling like a pirate with a peg leg after pushing 260 pounds with my calves. Do I hear a collective ouch? BUT, when I get out the measuring tape and see that I have lost 3 inches off of my waist and 3 inches off of my hips I become exceedingly grateful that she has a sadistic side, so I'm signing up for more torture and investing my money in the gym, the stock market is too volatile anyway!

* India Palace - the BEST Indian Food in San Antonio. Which means I should thank Rene for introducing me to my favorite haunt....and Lane for making sure I get my fix on a regular basis....and Laurie for indulging me when she would rather have had Mexican food....and Amy for trying something new when I had a craving and an interview across the street. Oh, the list goes on and on.....India Palace is a VERY happy thing!

* Clay Casa - even though I'm a "wannabe" when it comes to art, this place lets me be creative in a variety of ways - painting pottery, piecing together mosaics, glass fusion and now silver jewelry molding. Woohoo!!! AND, my niece usually goes with me so I get to spend 3 hours of quality time being creative with her, which is more fun than spending 3 hours being creative alone, unless I'm in my silent mode.....

* Family, even the crazy ones. They make me laugh (and cry) and give me someone to "blame" for my neurosis. They also remind me of where I come from and sometimes scare me with visions of how I'll look when I'm old......Dad, did you HAVE to pass on your chin and thighs to me??? Seriously, those really should have gone to the boys!

* Friends, people who love me, or TRY to because they WANT to, NOT because they have to. WOW, it's completely overwhelming to share my very messy life with people who could easily and with good reason choose to walk away from my complicated, neurotic self. Thanks for sticking it out with me. Because you love me well and practice the type of community modeled by Christ I have found deep healing and a safe place to discover who I am. For you I'm most grateful.