It's not all about me - um, yeah I keep being reminded of that annoying little fact over and over again. Apparently I have a very short memory when it comes to remembering how to live selflessly in this big, bad world. Of course, being single AND childless lends itself to a higher level of narcissism because there are fewer people making demands of my time and energy; if I'm not careful I become so focused on MY interests and MY needs that I fail to even try and meet the needs of those around me.
In really taking stock of my life I know that even if I never get to be the kind of "life-giver" I've always wanted to be, read: WIFE & MOMMY; I should still give life in other ways, and I NEED to, otherwise my existence feels meaningless. Most of the ways I try to give life are subtle, like staying connected to family.....being present for and spending time with my nieces and nephews.....nurturing friendships by striving to be vulnerable, loyal and gracious. Those things are important and take a great deal of time and emotional energy (especially the vulnerable and gracious parts, I often fail miserably in those departments!) Yet, I long to do more, and the reality is that I CAN do more without sacrificing the time and space I need to recharge and stay connected to Christ so I can truly live my faith.
So, I've begun volunteering again thanks to my friend Lizzo. Tuesday nights are now devoted to assisting her teach English as a Second Language (ESL) to refugees from Somalia. It's a humbling experience and one that makes my heart beat a little faster and adds a spring to my step. We've been on a break for the holidays and I've really missed those ladies. Seeing them arrive in their traditional, colorful outfits; babies slung across their backs. Learning the ABC's of our language while simultaneously adapting to a culture that is vastly different from their own. And the men, so proud of their achievements, making each lesson a competition, smiling like little boys when they say the right word. Oh, and the kids, so curious and wide-eyed and snuggly, with huge, welcoming smiles.....I could spend every second just adoring them.
As I watch them, these amazingly beautiful people from a tribe forced into slave labor during their country's ongoing civil war, I wonder. How did they survive to find joy and happiness again? Do they struggle against the sting of bitterness at all they have lost? How do they manage to live here, in the land of excess and keep their priorities focused on their families? Do they awaken to nightmares as memories of the past invade their sleep? Do they struggle with fear and anger? Or do they just rest in loving each other because they have suffered much and know that their families and communities are what matter most? It's funny, because even though I am one of their "teachers" (I use that term VERY loosely!) I can see that in answering my questions they will teach me more than I will ever teach them. Life really is ironic.
As I watch them, these amazingly beautiful people from a tribe forced into slave labor during their country's ongoing civil war, I wonder. How did they survive to find joy and happiness again? Do they struggle against the sting of bitterness at all they have lost? How do they manage to live here, in the land of excess and keep their priorities focused on their families? Do they awaken to nightmares as memories of the past invade their sleep? Do they struggle with fear and anger? Or do they just rest in loving each other because they have suffered much and know that their families and communities are what matter most? It's funny, because even though I am one of their "teachers" (I use that term VERY loosely!) I can see that in answering my questions they will teach me more than I will ever teach them. Life really is ironic.
