Looking for Peace in All the Wrong Places - Advent Week 4

Advent Week Four in Review 

For some reason, writing about peace is hard for me of late.  Maybe because it is difficult to articulate when the world we inhabit is groaning.  2020 has repeatedly kicked us when we were down.  I don't know about you, but it literally brought me to my knees in desperate prayers to the God of all peace.  There have been a lot of "why" questions; anxious moments full of doubt; anger at the selfishness sprouting in my own heart; and overall fatigue at the never-ending beatings this world has dealt us.  Knowing that it isn't over yet AND is unlikely to improve at the stroke of midnight on January 1, 2021 deflates me.

Peace means different things to different people.  What does it mean to you?  Is it a time of quiet and tranquility?  The absence of disturbance?  Perhaps harmony without war or conflict?  Likely you have experienced moments of peace throughout your lifetime.  We all have.   Most of us can remember peaceful times free of conflict and full of harmony with others.  Or the glimpses of freedom found while enjoying nature, relaxing on a beach, hiking, looking and listening to God's creation as it offers praise to the Almighty. Those things are all AMAZING.  But sadly, they are only temporary manifestations of the divine inner peace we seek and will fade at the spark of disagreement or reentry into reality.   We are left empty-handed from looking for divine inner peace in all the wrong places.

So, if we tend to get lost along the way, where can lasting peace be found?  There is no Utopia.  Wars will continue to rage, and people will continue to suffer and die.  Marriages will crack and families crumble.  Addictions may poison and destroy us.  Dogged pursuit of our unmet desires will consume us if we are not careful.   Viruses will still ravage nations and destroy the living.  And people will fail us and break our hearts. Is there really peace to be found when we are in dire straits? 

Yes!  It is found in the Prince of Peace born so long ago.  The same tiny baby who slept peacefully swaddled in rags, with a full belly, clean bottom, and his mama nearby.   The one whose birth we celebrated a few days ago.  The one who grew into the very Messiah who loved us enough to conquer death and rescue us from ourselves.  The one who bridged the divide between heaven and earth.  

Make no mistake, peace is not resigned acceptance of our fate or ignoring the pain and turmoil in our lives or the lives of others.  It does not mean denying the plight of those less fortunate.  And it certainly is not a life lived apart from harsh realities.  Neither is it always free of conflict.  Sometimes the conflict is necessary and spurs us to grow and change so we can find it, finally.

Divine peace is found only in the presence of God.  It comes when we know him so well, trust him so completely, listen to his still, small voice so keenly, and recognize that we are most fully ourselves when we are completely known and loved by him.  It is an inward reality of deep faith.  It honors the pain and suffering inflicted on us by a cruel world, and sustains us THROUGH it instead of letting it destroy us.   

Peace is a gift.  

"Peace I leave you, my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives.  Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27

Skipping Lambs - Advent Week 3 Joy

          Advent Week Three in Review

Have you ever seen a lamb skip?  If not, you should drop everything and watch some videos posthaste. Trust me when I tell you it will be the most DELIGHTFUL diversion from all that is 2020, and unless you are heartless, it will make you laugh out loud, giggle, squeal, and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Go Google it now, I'll wait.  

Adorable, right?  The epitome of joy!  I looked up photos labeled as "joy”, and do you know almost all of them were of people leaping with raised hands and irrepressible smiles?  Why do depictions of joy usually include skipping, jumping, leaping, arms up, etc.?  What is it that drives us to break free from societal constraints and leap into the freedom of joy?                 

The pursuit of joy is shared by all people, in all cultures, within all faiths and belief systems.  We find glimpses of joy when we see a baby delight in finding his or her toes; when someone dances with abandon; when we taste our first piece of chocolate, or sip of Dr. Pepper.  😃 

Maybe it's just me, but I think we often mistake happiness for joy, and pursue it because it instantly satisfies.  For Christians, the promise of joy is so much more than a momentary feeling that we chase around in frantic circles, like an addict in search of the next hit.  It is not an emotion triggered by temporary pleasures, but a state of being attained exclusively in the presence of God.  Joy is soul deep when focused on the God of our salvation.  It stays with us through thick and thin.  It gives us strength (Nehemiah 8:10).  It gives us direction by putting us onto the path to God's presence.  (Acts 2:28).  It is the second fruit of the Spirit, (Galatians 5:22) sandwiched between love (last week's Advent focus) and peace (next week's Advent focus.)  Can you imagine one without the other?   Love is found in the person of Jesus, leading to joy, which brings peace.  

In this season of anticipation of the birth of our Savior, I think back to the first one who leaped for joy at the coming of the divine babe.   Luke 1:41-44 tells the story of his cousin, John the Baptist, who while still in Elizabeth's belly leaped for joy when he heard Mary's greeting.  He leaped when he was in the presence of divinity.  He leaped when he recognized that Jesus was near, the very King who was growing in Mary's tummy.   

Today was spent with my aging parents.  My mother is declining more rapidly of late and is frequently talking about death and wanting to be with Jesus.  She told me that Jesus had spoken to her today and her face was glowing as she spoke.  When she gets agitated, talking about Jesus not only calms her down but brings her back to the present.  There is joy in his presence and I guarantee you she would leap and dance and sing loudly if she could!  

A few weeks ago, I enJOYed my favorite concert with an EXCEEDINGLY small, socially distanced group.  Watching some of my favorite musicians usher us into the full story of Christmas from Genesis through the birth of Jesus brought me joy. There is something special about corporate worship, it must be a precursor to heaven.  All the musicians at that concert were insanely talented, but this year one of them caught my eye.  He was so obviously enjoying everything, even songs he had not played until a day or two prior because the regular player was quarantined at the last minute.  You would think he would have been focused on playing the chords perfectly, singing at the right time, etc.  Maybe inside he was, but you wouldn't know it by the way he played, laughed, sang, and LEAPED around on stage.  I could not stop watching because his joy was contagious, in the only way ANYONE wants to be contagious right now!  

This year we have all had to look harder for true joy.  The things that used to masquerade as joy have been stripped away.  Can any of us really binge watch more Netflix?  Or indulge in more takeout?  There is nothing inately wrong with those things, but they have proven to be lacking.  In a year like this I can tell you that there IS sheep-skipping joy out there; it is found in the presence of God.  If you haven't found it yet, dig a little deeper and ask God to lead you into the fullness of joy found only in HIM.  You don't have to leap around life if  you find it, but you may find yourself wanting to because it is the MOST beautiful discovery, and once you find it you don't really care what anyone thinks!

 

 

What Kind of Love is This? Advent Week 2

                        Advent Week Two in Review

                    Love is patient. (endless)

Love is kind. (generous)

Love does not envy or boast. (genuine)

Love is not arrogant. (humble)

Love is not rude. (understanding)

Love does not insist on its own way. (selfless)

Love is not irritable. (compassionate)

Love is not resentful. (forgives)

Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. (honest)

Love bears all things. (perseveres)

Love hopes all things.  (believes)

Love endures all things.  (present)

Love never fails.  (fearless)

What kind of love IS this???  

It is otherworldly.  Borne of sacrifice, and mercy, and grace.  The kind of love we should strive for, to be sure, but also the kind we are incapable of without help.  After failing spectacularly time after time, I learned to read this passage as the way GOD loves THROUGH us.  

The same God who decided so long ago that it was time to send redemption in flesh and blood.  To dwell among his beloved creation.  To mingle, laugh, enjoy, cry, hug, heal, and teach us.  He chose to suffer, die, and descend into the pit of hell for us.  His victory over death, confirmed with a miraculous resurrection and appearances to doubters, proved his divinity.   After ascending to heaven, he sent the third part of the Trinity to help us.  He saved us from ourselves and modeled unconditional love.

This week, although I failed miserably, I witnessed love on display.  One of my besties lost her mother, but God loved THROUGH her as she held her mama's hand until her dying breath.  My friend bore the pain of watching her mom pass into glory because she LOVED her more than her own comfort or fear.  Sometimes love means saying goodbye.

Another friend is remembering the stress of caring for her ailing husband this time last year.  She has struggled to get through this year without him and memories and grief threaten to swallow her whole.  But she LOVES the son he left behind fiercely and will bear whatever she must to ensure he can grow through the pain of losing his father.  Sometimes love means leading by example.

My mom had a fall this week and my nephews and brother went to the house to help her up off the floor and into bed.  They sacrificed their bedtime to drive to her house late at night, help her up, check her for injuries, wait for me to get information from hospice, and tuck her into bed before leaving.  And the MINUTE they pulled out of the driveway, she got right out of bed.  Sigh.  Sometimes love means sacrificing and enduring.  

Still others are in the middle of divorces, struggling to love teenagers, or surviving other emotionally difficult, draining and broken relationships.  In all things, loving responsibly is two-sided.  We must learn to love well AND forgive well.  Just like Jesus did/does for us.  Sometimes love means living with heartbreak.

Wherever you found yourself this week, whether succeeding or failing to love others, remember this

"Love covers a multitude of sins."  I Peter 4:8

Hope Deferred - Advent Week 1

 Advent Week One in Review

Photo by George Becker from Pexels

Advent has arrived, the much-anticipated tradition that signals something better is on the way.  Better than we can ever dream or imagine, and I don't know about you, but living in 2020 makes me desperate for better.  This week it became crystal clear that my hope had been misplaced in lies that posed as hope.  Identifying and digging them out was daunting and depressing, much harder and darker than I anticipated, and I'm pretty sure there is a lot more digging in my future.  Sigh.  Isn't hope supposed to make you happy instead of leaving you in a muddy puddle of discontent?  It took some time, deep personal reflection, and repentance, but the promise wooed me back to perfect peace: hope in Jesus.  It felt like a warm, GIANT bear hug.  Something this particular single woman is sorely lacking.   Dang pandemic.   

 

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs13:12-14

  

Hope is a big word.  There is a lot riding on it.  It can often be frustratingly illusive, but it springs eternal, so we keep on keeping on.  We desperately want to hope in something or someone.  Over and over, we misplace our hope in the expectation of things turning out the way we want, or the way we think GOD wants.  But 2020 laid bare all of our expectations.  Most of our desires have been crushed.  We have been left with deep wounds and defied at every turn, even the generations of privilege and nations of excess have felt it.  In a year like this it can be easier to place our hope in tangible things instead of Jesus.  He seems archaic and out of touch.  Dare I say that to some he even seems irrelevant.

Instead, we place our hope in politicians.  Jobs.  Relationships.  Money.  Churches.  And many other things that are mostly out of our control.  Sometimes our candidates win, and sometimes they lose.  And guess what, most of the ones who win STILL disappoint us.  Hope deferred.  

Jobs are not as secure as we thought and years of work may go up in flames with one misstep, or a pandemic that shifts the bottom line, and all of your labor is disregarded in an instant.  Businesses close, or restructure and the next thing you know the job disappears.  Hope Deferred.  

Relationships, no matter how healthy still have dysfunction that slaps us in the face.  We dutifully play our roles, and yet, misunderstandings abound.  The people we love most don't always bow to our expectations or love us like we want or need to be loved.  Hope Deferred.  

Money masquerades as security.  We strive to achieve the American Dream or buy our latest "need" (and I did PLENTY of that this week), but the euphoria of scoring a deal comes with a price tag.  We have to pay up and sometimes it is overwhelming.  We quickly learn that our security can crumble at any moment, we can lose jobs, overextend ourselves, and eventually become slaves to the thing we thought would free us.  Hope Deferred.  

Even our churches become fodder for gossip, and bitterness, and broken relationships because try as we may, we cannot function when our hope is in our faith leaders instead of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  When the fault lines appear and our humanity is most obvious, we draw lines in the sand and leave a trail of tears as we walk away.  Let me be the first to say that I am as guilty of this as anyone.  Hope Deferred.

 

Almost all of us have had to hard swallow these bitter pills.  I too have railed at God and tried to walk away from his mysterious force.  Sulked and whined and raged at the state of this world, and not just in 2020.  But the really beautiful thing in all of this reflection; this brutal look at the blackness living in my heart is that the deep dive into the Scriptures about hope show me that it is NOT deferred when it is placed in Jesus.  Because Jesus the immortal became Jesus in flesh and blood.  He inhabited the fragile body of a baby, the pre-pubescent skin and raging hormones of a teenage boy (for that he gets EXTRA points), the strong muscles and body of a young laborer doing hard workday in and day out. 

 

He came for us in the flesh THEN and he pursues us in the Spirit NOW.  That is the HOPE we all need.  That is the HOPE we are missing even if we don't know it.  That is the source or love, joy, peace and complete acceptance.  He loves us in our messes, our brilliance, our selfishness and our sacrifices, our loyalty, our betrayal, our panic, bitterness, joy and loneliness.  He just loves us.  As we were, as we are, and as we will be. 

 

I know it seems crazy; believe me I understand, but shockingly So.Does.God.  He is not offended or afraid of your hopelessness, questions, doubts, fears, or anger.  In fact, he will meet you in the middle of your own muddy puddle of discontent.  This season, whether you believe as I do or not, I pray that you make room for genuine hope.  It will bring you perfect peace.

Bottles of Tears

"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"  Psalm 56:8

Can I be frank for a minute?  I hope you said yes because I'm going to anyway.  Life kinds of sucks right now. I personally have no bandwidth left.  What about you?  You don't have to answer.  An educated guess tells me you are probably in the same boat.  Even our privileged, affluent, Western world is sucky.  And those of our neighbors in poverty, or the third world?  I cannot even imagine how much harder life is for them now.  

People all over the world are melting down. We are emotionally and physically exhausted.  We have been stripped of our illusions of control; frustrated in our attempts to do the simplest of tasks; robbed of the usual rhythms of life and social interactions that kept us anchored and sane pre-COVID.  We are wrestling with a challenge no one expected or wanted.  And we are all just about DONE, or at least I AM.

My response is typical of my highly emotional nature.  I cry.  As an Enneagram 4, INFJ, or ultra-sensitive whiner, whatever you call me, my emotions are always just at the surface and tears are ready and waiting to explode from my big, brown eyes.  I cry when I'm happy, sad, or frustrated.  I cry when I'm angry, dismissed by others, or stressed. I cry when I see a puppy, or a baby, or lately when I'm with my parents.  In fact, I have cried every day for the past two weeks.  Thousands of tears have altered my vision, robbed me of sleep, and wrenched my heart in two.  Every.Little.Thing feels like the BIGGEST, most excruciating thing in the world, even if it isn't.  My brain is drunk on pity and my thinking is sluggish.  My internal RAM, usually around 32 gigs is down to about 2 gigs.  I can't have multiple tabs open anymore.  Juggling is out of the question.  I am in super-slow motion.  Just watch me try to form a coherent sentence or remember the name of anything.  It truly is beyond my capability.  

Sigh.  Like I said.  It's hard.  Unsettling.  Discombobulating.  I feel like a dissatisfied Goldilocks.  Everything is too hot, too cold, too hard, too soft, too big, too small.  Nothing is just right.  When I'm living the introvert's dream and find myself home alone, I get anxious and want to go to work.  When I'm at work it doesn't take long for me to worry about my parents and want to check on them.  When I get to my parents' house, and I'm dealing with dementia and unsuccessful attempts to engage them, coupled with incontinence issues requiring me to shower them three times in one day, AND clean the floor/shower/toilet repeatedly because of said incontinence, well, I can tell you that Goldilocks is definitely NOT happy.  

That's when I cry out to God, not in a pious, thoughtful, or gracious way with "praise and thanksgiving".  No, it's more primal and desperate, ugly and demanding.  Words like "WTH and MERCY PULEASE!" pepper the conversation.  Sheer desperation, fear, and exhaustion bring out the worst in me.  And then, if he is silent if feels like the kiss of death, and I keep plodding through the dessert, hot, confused, and really, REALLY thirsty for living water.  Unsurprisingly to any person of faith he finally reveals himself.  Gently, kindly, lovingly, and consistently, the opposite of my insolence.  And he makes everything "just right".   Goldilocks is finally happy. 

The past two weeks I have been blessed with an abundance of food for my parents provided by various and obviously generous and AMAZING friends.  I had no idea that I would need it, but God did.  He provided BEFORE I recognized why.  This week I received a phone call from Meals on Wheels.  A program I've counted on, that has helped immensely with meal prep and our VERY limited budget is being forced to drop my parents because of funding cuts.  God knew before I did and sent his angels on earth to act.  He provided what we would need, BEFORE we even knew we needed it.  I suddenly had unsolicited food for the next few weeks.  People just showed up, not even knowing the needs or how devastated and overwhelmed I felt.  It was a reminder that God is always there with manna.  His love and devotion to us is never lacking and never late, even when we cannot hear or see him.  Even if he seems silent.  He is still working quietly on our behalf.

No matter where you find yourself, look up and listen for the still, small voice of God.  Look for people who are acting as the hands and feet of Jesus.  Accept the help that comes without trying to control it and remember that God is walking with you, even through this hell on earth.  And don't forget to ACT on behalf of others and return the gift.  God is truly pleased and glorified when we love others well.

Even though life is messy.  Even though life is hard.  It is still beautiful.  Don't let this COVID weirdness keep you down, look up!    

P.S. As I was writing this, my laundry drainage pipe suddenly sprung a huge leak.  I now have an unwanted water feature in my side yard.  And a big plumbing bill this week.  Goldilocks is still a little unsettled over here.  The hits keep coming, but so does the love and provision.  Because more food was delivered, and another friend called to say she wants to provide a meal weekly.  God is still good!

Waking Up

Photo by Kristina Paukshtite from Pexels

Today I woke up again (yay!), just a few days after waking up to a new decade of life.  Fifty beautiful, crazy, painful, thrilling, frightening and enlightening years.  More than once in the past decade, I wasn't sure I would keep waking up.  Death kept kicking in my door.  Invading my comfortable, secure, and pleasantly-controlled life.  Yet, miraculously (I don't say that lightly), I survived those invasions in "that should not be possible" kinds of ways.  And those sudden, face-to-face battles with the grim reaper changed me forever.  I woke up to my mortality and faced it like a boss.  I woke up physically and spiritually.  I learned that every sunrise has a sunset, but happily, every sunset has a sunrise.  I woke up to the reality that control is but an illusion.  I woke up to the deep, abiding, unconditional love of the Father for little old me.    

Today is my 'heartiversary'.  Three years since a pesky heart defect, previously unknown to me, tried to take me down.  Looking at where and who I am now reminds me that no matter the circumstances, I can survive and I do not have to walk alone.  Ironic, because even as I say that, I am COMPLETELY alone thanks to COVID-19.  But even in the midst of my (and your) first world pandemic, and life suddenly reading like the script of an apocalyptic movie, I'm glad I keep waking up.

This present darkness, this pandemic that is wreaking havoc and fear, ripping control out of our desperate hands, sinking world economies, threatening the lives of millions...it can provoke so much anxiety.  Sometimes, like this one, the crisis is so daunting, so bitter, so heartbreakingly lonely, so frightening that you risk crumbling in terror.  Peace won't come from getting angry, reading the hourly news reports, hoarding toilet paper, food, or medical supplies that should go to the medical community.  It will come from the Almighty.  If it isn't your time to go, then you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Keep doing the 'next right thing' because pretty soon you'll wake up tomorrow, and the next week, and month, and year and before you know it you will have survived the unsurvivable.  You will have lived through the thing that scared you the most.  You will be stronger, and wiser, and kinder, and more compassionate.  You will feel more alive and more like yourself than you ever did.  Oh, you will grieve, and you will cry buckets of tears, because the necessary act of remembering will be painful.  You may freeze in some of those memories and feel the panic bubbling to the surface again.  But if you breathe deeply and look closely you will find God in the miraculous and mundane moments, just as you will find him when everything is coming up roses.  

Finding him and truly knowing him will be the first step in letting go of the need to control every little thing.  The first step in finding joy in the journey instead of fighting to hold on to what was.  Lean into what is and you will breathe freely and learn to live well no matter your circumstances or finances.  You will gratefully recognize the manna brought to you in the desert.  Simple pleasures like the joy of hugs, enjoying family, breaking bread with friends, walking around freely, and the inexplicable peace of Christ that passes all human understanding will become your favorite things.

So maybe waking up is what is happening to us all in the midst of chaos.  We are waking up to our selfishness.  We are waking up to how our greed has damaged our societies.  We are waking up to how badly we have cared for the planet entrusted to us.  And we needed to, it is just such a steep price to pay.  Until we meet again, hold fast.  Stay strong.  Love well.  Breathe deeply.  Seek joy.  Life is closer than you think.   May the peace of Christ rule your hearts today and always.