* Why are women serene one moment and apocalyptic the next?* How can women remember conversations, events and emotions in precise detail?
* Why do women take everything so personally? (I'd LOVE an explanation for that one!)
Ah, just a few of the questions that have kept me up at night for the past 38 years, right up there with other biggies such as, "Why are violets blue instead of violet", "Why did Noah include roaches on the Ark", "What is the purpose of a training bra?" and "How would we know if a word was misspelled in the dictionary?" No wonder I can't sleep with so many important things to ponder.....
Of course, I've already figured out that PMS is responsible for my moods at least one week out of the month, but what explains why I'm a neurotic mess for the remaining 3 weeks? Thankfully, researchers have come to my rescue by spending countless hours and moolah attempting to understand the female brain. I'm guessing they're all men desperately seeking answers. God bless 'em.
HERE'S A BRIEF SYNOPSIS OF THEIR FINDINGS:
THE CORTEX-certain regions that control high-level computing are thicker (this does NOT mean women are thick-headed!) in the female brain. This is apparently why women see meaning in even the smallest of gestures. Of course, not I, I never read too much into anything, oh no. I'm perfectly balanced and always respond with love to offhanded comments such as, "I'd rather (insert event here) than spend time with you." That never causes me to respond with tears, slammed doors or the word jerk. Nope, not me..... Ha!
THE HIPPOCAMPUS-this is the place where memories are formed, and for the life of me I cannot remember why someone decided to include the prefix "hippo" when naming a part of the human body. Ugh, I already have a hippo complex! But I digress, apparently a larger "hippocampus" explains why women can remember even the most minute details of a conversation from 19 years ago. Or why we can remember random details from events in our childhood. For example, I can remember my best friend's phone number from 2nd grade - 512-625-0391, while mine was 512-629-0931, but ask me to remember a quote from a movie and I draw a blank. I remember relational and emotional things and very rarely forget them, which should scare the men in my life into taking notes or something. (Not that I remember everything, but I especially remember things that are important to people I care about.)
THE TEMPORAL LOBE CORTEX-this is the area that controls language processing and comprehension and women possess a much higher density of neurons. Explains why women are verbally fluent by nature. Yep, a well-written note or heartfelt conversation gets my attention every time because it speaks my language!
SEROTONIN-women have less of it than men do, and since this is a natural "happy" pill it makes sense that a woman can be perfectly content one minute and devastated the next by something as traumatic as a lost earring or a pimple. If I happen to be the next woman you encounter in a state of devastation the best approach is a hug and back rub - or a really strong margarita! Whatever you do, DO NOT offer advice (of course I'm speaking to men because women already know this about each other.) Just keep rubbing and filling up the glass until the Serotonin stabilizes.
So there you have it, the female brain in a nutshell. I'm glad they think they have it all figured out. At least I'll sleep better tonight now that I have an excuse, er, explanation for my neurosis!
