Once upon a time there was a young teen (yours truly) who was gifted with an extensive underwear collection by her lovably eccentric Grandma Jim. (Yes, she had a boy's name - long story.) And since I was the first granddaughter she went all out when it came to outfitting me in cute, girlie delicates.
Now Grandma Jim didn't buy plain white undies, no sirree, she bought undies with characters on them, like whales and ladybugs and fairies - great when you're 3 - not so much when you're 15! Every birthday and Christmas brought a blush to my cheeks as I was "encouraged" to hold up my gifts and display them so my family could ooh and ah. Sometimes Grandma went off the radar and bought outrageous gifts like a "jeweled spider hair bun holder thingy" (I still have it as proof of her eccentricities) but no matter what she always kept me well-stocked in underwear. And I wore them because I didn't know any better and I figured no one else would see them.
I WAS WRONG.
One hot, humid, East Texas, summer day my youth group took a trip to Astroworld. We piled in the blue and white church bus and sang silly songs for the drive to the theme park. We were obnoxious dorks but we sure had fun! We were also daredevils and rode EVERY scary ride from the gigantic roller coaster to the "Screamer". AND we were hot. REALLY hot. So we rode the log ride and "Thunder" OVER and OVER to cool off with the splashes of icy water. It made the humidity and hot Texas sun infinitely more bearable.
There I was, my undies safely hidden beneath a very cute magenta skort. Until I rode the log ride and discovered that magenta becomes transparent when it gets wet. So I got to walk around Astroworld, trying not to cry as all of my friends and every stranger noticed that my undies were decorated with little blue whales. And that, my friends, is why I buy plain white underwear.
Now Grandma Jim didn't buy plain white undies, no sirree, she bought undies with characters on them, like whales and ladybugs and fairies - great when you're 3 - not so much when you're 15! Every birthday and Christmas brought a blush to my cheeks as I was "encouraged" to hold up my gifts and display them so my family could ooh and ah. Sometimes Grandma went off the radar and bought outrageous gifts like a "jeweled spider hair bun holder thingy" (I still have it as proof of her eccentricities) but no matter what she always kept me well-stocked in underwear. And I wore them because I didn't know any better and I figured no one else would see them.
I WAS WRONG.
One hot, humid, East Texas, summer day my youth group took a trip to Astroworld. We piled in the blue and white church bus and sang silly songs for the drive to the theme park. We were obnoxious dorks but we sure had fun! We were also daredevils and rode EVERY scary ride from the gigantic roller coaster to the "Screamer". AND we were hot. REALLY hot. So we rode the log ride and "Thunder" OVER and OVER to cool off with the splashes of icy water. It made the humidity and hot Texas sun infinitely more bearable.
There I was, my undies safely hidden beneath a very cute magenta skort. Until I rode the log ride and discovered that magenta becomes transparent when it gets wet. So I got to walk around Astroworld, trying not to cry as all of my friends and every stranger noticed that my undies were decorated with little blue whales. And that, my friends, is why I buy plain white underwear.
