Ever have one of those days where you feel like the mountain you're climbing is growing taller with each step you take? The kind of day where situations get worse instead of better no matter how much wisdom or prayer you apply? The kind of day where everything is 200 times more difficult than it should be?
THAT'S the kind of day I had.
Today it was personal. I don't play office politics well and it came back to bite me. Apparently I'm terrible at hiding what people assume I'm thinking with assume being the key word. I'm cursed with a face that displays a variety of emotions, often misinterpreted if I'm not smiling and chipper. When others assume I'm angry, I'm often just deep in thought, usually of the "Saturday Night Live" variety. Unfortunately most people suffer from the same degree of narcissism as I do and are convinced that every thought in my head and every facial expression are somehow directed at them. Add to the mix my struggle to communicate honestly with people who have not earned my love and respect plus my sarcastic, sardonic and dry sense of humor and you can see why I'm in a pickle!
What's a straight shooter like me to do? I'm terrible at emotional games and extremely intolerant of the junior high antics that keep me from focusing on my real job. But the people who share my "too small" workspace have a different moral code than I do. And as impossible as it sounds they are even more insecure than I am and will do anything to make themselves look better, even if it means dragging someone else's name and reputation through the mud.....even if it means resorting to lies, gossip and slander.
Honestly, I feel a little battered and bruised and I'm pretty sure my heart is black and blue. Obviously I have glaring flaws that need attention, but it's excruciating to hear about them from people who do not care about knowing or loving me. I cannot begin to examine them until I first hold myself up to God's truth and focus on what his opinion of me is. Otherwise it's too easy for me to live in that ugly, negative place, and I have done that for far too long.
Please be kind to me if you happen to cross my path in the next few weeks. A lot of arrows have found their mark landing smack dab in the middle of my heart and I'm finding it hard to pretend that it isn't killing me. I want to rebel against our culture for demanding that I hide any ugly emotions. I don't want to live a lie. Faking it is just not my style. Neither is chipper...... But, I really don't want to wound other people either, even those I find difficult to love. I guess I'll spend the long weekend licking my wounds and trying to figure out how to play the game. I just wish I didn't hate it so much.
THAT'S the kind of day I had. I sincerely hope yours was better.
THAT'S the kind of day I had.
Today it was personal. I don't play office politics well and it came back to bite me. Apparently I'm terrible at hiding what people assume I'm thinking with assume being the key word. I'm cursed with a face that displays a variety of emotions, often misinterpreted if I'm not smiling and chipper. When others assume I'm angry, I'm often just deep in thought, usually of the "Saturday Night Live" variety. Unfortunately most people suffer from the same degree of narcissism as I do and are convinced that every thought in my head and every facial expression are somehow directed at them. Add to the mix my struggle to communicate honestly with people who have not earned my love and respect plus my sarcastic, sardonic and dry sense of humor and you can see why I'm in a pickle!
What's a straight shooter like me to do? I'm terrible at emotional games and extremely intolerant of the junior high antics that keep me from focusing on my real job. But the people who share my "too small" workspace have a different moral code than I do. And as impossible as it sounds they are even more insecure than I am and will do anything to make themselves look better, even if it means dragging someone else's name and reputation through the mud.....even if it means resorting to lies, gossip and slander.
Honestly, I feel a little battered and bruised and I'm pretty sure my heart is black and blue. Obviously I have glaring flaws that need attention, but it's excruciating to hear about them from people who do not care about knowing or loving me. I cannot begin to examine them until I first hold myself up to God's truth and focus on what his opinion of me is. Otherwise it's too easy for me to live in that ugly, negative place, and I have done that for far too long.
Please be kind to me if you happen to cross my path in the next few weeks. A lot of arrows have found their mark landing smack dab in the middle of my heart and I'm finding it hard to pretend that it isn't killing me. I want to rebel against our culture for demanding that I hide any ugly emotions. I don't want to live a lie. Faking it is just not my style. Neither is chipper...... But, I really don't want to wound other people either, even those I find difficult to love. I guess I'll spend the long weekend licking my wounds and trying to figure out how to play the game. I just wish I didn't hate it so much.
THAT'S the kind of day I had. I sincerely hope yours was better.
