It has been a long five
weeks. I really thought I'd be fully recovered and back to a normal life
by now. The best laid plans I guess. The good news is that I can
breathe deeply and normally like I assume most of you do. I cannot even
begin to describe how it feels to fully expand my lungs without wheezing,
coughing or getting dizzy. I've never done that before in all of my 47
years. It's kind of amazing. Apparently I look better, at least that's
what I'm told. Maybe because I no longer look like I'm about to have a
stroke. Woohoo! I don't know why God spared me the fate of others
who have this defect, but I'm grateful and don't want to waste it.
I
have learned that I am TERRIBLE at resting. REALLY bad at it, but my body
has required it and I've had no choice. It has been kind of boring,
although I have learned a whole lot about English Royalty. Maybe I'll
finally learn how to take care of myself now and listen to my body, even when
others dismiss me. I'm confident that I know myself well enough to fight
for my health. I am the only one who knows how I feel. I'm trying
not to be so hard on myself, which is fairly new. It feels weird, but not
necessarily bad.
My
heart is a creature of habit. I don't think it likes having a metal
device in the middle of it. It keeps trying to function like it used to,
even thought it was damaging itself. So not it's acting like a crazy,
rebellious teen. It can't drive 55. Instead it revs its engine and takes
like at speeds of well over 100 only to scare itself, freak out, slam on the
breaks and turn into that annoying Sunday driver going 45 in a 65 mph
zone. It is a wild, unpredictable and sometimes scary ride.
Hopefully the new medication will help. It not then more tests.
Honestly, I'm tired of tests and would rather not continue to be a case
study.
Yet
I still feel better today than I have in months. Still not where I want
to be, but maybe getting there. Zeus even got a 15-minute walk
tonight. Of course I needed a nap after, but I did it! I never knew
I would be so excited to take a 15-minute stroll, but I'm thrilled! Baby
steps are hard when you're impatient, but at least I can take them. So,
I'm praying that my heart stops freaking out and I can live as a healthy,
active, happy woman again instead of a sick, recluse who can't walk from the
sofa to the bed!
Savor
every moment friends because life if precious.
P.S.
Those Tudors were CRAZY!
