I'm missing my Grandma Jim today. No particular reason, other than we would have celebrated her (94th?) birthday this week. Maybe that's why she has been on my mind more than usual lately. She was my favorite person; affectionate, kind, friendly, genuine, happy, loving and just plain adorable. A registered nurse in her younger days and a hippie, Yoga instructor and massage therapist in her twilight years, she worked through her retirement for travel money. And travel she did through 6 continents and numerous countries. Whether she was exploring Asia, enjoying Australia and New Zealand, hiking Machu Picchu on her 80th birthday, backpacking in Europe, roaming around India or riding camels in the shadow of the Egyptian pyramids, she was optimistic about others and wanted to know as much as she could about the world she inhabited. I proudly blame her for my travel addiction and love of adventure!
Now don't get me wrong, she wasn't perfect, but she somehow understood me and loved me better than anyone else ever has. She encouraged me to grow into myself instead of worrying about being who others thought I should be. She didn't judge me when I went through awkward phases, she just loved me in spite of myself. I would always be a princess to her. She actually believed that I was one of the most amazing creatures she had ever known. She loved me uniquely and without pretense, and she loved me in ways I didn't realize I needed until much later in my life. That is an amazing feat in this broken world and I only hope I can grow into someone who loves as well as she did.
Grandma Jim didn't see color or status; she wasn't turned off by mental illness, addiction or blatant flaws. She just loved people where they were. One of the best flesh and blood examples of how well Jesus loves; He was able to love so many people through her. Personally she was able to reach a part of me that no one else could. A very lonely, miserable little girl pretending that life was okay, I desperately needed to know that I could be loved despite the damage that had hammered my heart and soul for so many years. Now I can look back and see God's footprints all over my life, when I could not see them before. I am overwhelmed with the love and grace extended to me and I want to be the kind of person who lets his love, mercy and grace flow through me instead of greedily withholding it when others disappoint me, speak ill of me or make unfair assumptions and judgments about me.
I am so grateful for the time I had with her, but oh do I wish she were still walking around in the flesh; free as a bird, happy, friendly, funny and more than a little crazy. Instead her ashes are scattered at the family cabin built by my grandfather and great uncle shortly after they returned from fighting in WWII. It has been over 10 years since we said goodbye and I'm missing her more now than ever. I wish I could talk to her, travel the world with her, get a bear hug from her, laugh with her, play Boggle or Tripoley with her and simply let myself feel deeply known and loved again.
I miss you Grandma Jim. You're always in my heart.
