Sleep is one of my favorite things to do, especially since I upgraded from a futon to a pillow top mattress last year. Just the thought of resting in my comfy bed snuggling 3 pillows makes me sigh contentedly. I like my sheets, my comforter, my sound machine, my jammies - everything associated with sleeping. I seriously enjoy putting one day to bed and waking up to a fresh start on the next one, although I will admit that I usually don't enjoy the waking up part for at least 30 minutes, or until I've consumed 12 oz of caffeine.
Unfortunately, when I feel stressed sleep is the first friend to desert me. We've known each other my WHOLE life, and yet she abandons me at the first sign of trouble. It's really very annoying and she always leaves when I need an escape from my neurosis!!!
For the past 3 weeks I have been unable to sleep well. Not only do I have trouble falling asleep, I also have trouble staying asleep. That's why you will often receive an email from me at 3:42 am! Sometimes I clean, sometimes I blog, sometimes I read, or I pray, cry and get really angry but it doesn't matter. My dear friend has left the building and isn't planning to return until about 3:00 pm the next day, right when I'm in the middle of a meeting with 9 doctors, 12 nurses and 16 receptionists.......
Instead of counting sheep I've started counting the number of times the train whistle blows at night (it's at least 100). I've also sat on my patio and watched a surprising number of people come and go from the complex in which I live, and I wonder which one ripped me off....twice! I've listened to the sirens of police cars, ambulances and fire engines and wondered what emergency awaits them. I've flipped on the TV and watched very strange infomercials. Did you know that there is a miracle cure that "they" don't want you to know about? I'm not sure what it is because I'm too cheap to buy the book, but I could be missing out on something huge.
But mostly what I do is try to listen to God. I listen for his voice to tell me why he loves me. I listen for his voice to tell me his dreams for my life. I listen for his voice to tell me how to love and support those I cherish. And then I petition him. I petition him on behalf of the many people I love. I petition him on behalf of the hurting, broken, marginalized people trying to survive one more day in this cruel world. I petition him to draw me into deeper intimacy with him and to make me effective as his servant. I petition him to keep reminding me that I am his and worth far more than I can ever comprehend. And I thank him. I thank him for never letting go of me, even when I tried to escape. I thank him for putting faithful, beautiful, amazing people in my life who speak truth and grace and mercy and hope to me. I thank him for loving me despite my unlovable qualities. And then finally, I rest in him. I rest in the silence (except for the train and sirens). I rest in the warmth of knowing that I am his. I rest in the healing he is bringing to my deepest wounds. And I let him love me. And I love him. And then I sleep.
Unfortunately, when I feel stressed sleep is the first friend to desert me. We've known each other my WHOLE life, and yet she abandons me at the first sign of trouble. It's really very annoying and she always leaves when I need an escape from my neurosis!!!
For the past 3 weeks I have been unable to sleep well. Not only do I have trouble falling asleep, I also have trouble staying asleep. That's why you will often receive an email from me at 3:42 am! Sometimes I clean, sometimes I blog, sometimes I read, or I pray, cry and get really angry but it doesn't matter. My dear friend has left the building and isn't planning to return until about 3:00 pm the next day, right when I'm in the middle of a meeting with 9 doctors, 12 nurses and 16 receptionists.......
Instead of counting sheep I've started counting the number of times the train whistle blows at night (it's at least 100). I've also sat on my patio and watched a surprising number of people come and go from the complex in which I live, and I wonder which one ripped me off....twice! I've listened to the sirens of police cars, ambulances and fire engines and wondered what emergency awaits them. I've flipped on the TV and watched very strange infomercials. Did you know that there is a miracle cure that "they" don't want you to know about? I'm not sure what it is because I'm too cheap to buy the book, but I could be missing out on something huge.
But mostly what I do is try to listen to God. I listen for his voice to tell me why he loves me. I listen for his voice to tell me his dreams for my life. I listen for his voice to tell me how to love and support those I cherish. And then I petition him. I petition him on behalf of the many people I love. I petition him on behalf of the hurting, broken, marginalized people trying to survive one more day in this cruel world. I petition him to draw me into deeper intimacy with him and to make me effective as his servant. I petition him to keep reminding me that I am his and worth far more than I can ever comprehend. And I thank him. I thank him for never letting go of me, even when I tried to escape. I thank him for putting faithful, beautiful, amazing people in my life who speak truth and grace and mercy and hope to me. I thank him for loving me despite my unlovable qualities. And then finally, I rest in him. I rest in the silence (except for the train and sirens). I rest in the warmth of knowing that I am his. I rest in the healing he is bringing to my deepest wounds. And I let him love me. And I love him. And then I sleep.
