- Proms
- Engagements
- Wedding showers
- Weddings
- Marriages
- Baby showers
- Babies
- Childrens' birthday parties
- Parenting
Just some of the ways women bond with each other. All things I've never experienced and probably never will.
Forgive me for whining, but today it is simply too much. I feel left out. Like my attempts on the field were so pathetic that the coach benched me; with no hope of me ever being good enough to even qualify as a last resort.
On days like this, all I know to do is have a good cry and then try to count my blessings; to try and remember that I have a good life now:
- I'm happy - usually ☺
- I have amazing friends
- Family members who love me
- A good job
- Material possessions
- Travel experiences to die for
- Deep faith
The list is endless. But it can be tricky to learn how to balance the blessings with the sadness and disappointment; the overwhelming loneliness; to own the reality of my losses while celebrating the wealth of my blessings.
Maybe the answer is to create my own milestones and celebrate them even if they don't make sense to anyone else. Turn the mundane, ordinary and boring events into blowout parties!
- Instead of a wedding shower - a housewarming party
- Instead of a baby shower - a puppy shower (which DID happen thanks to Cyndi and Dee at work!)
- Instead of a graduation ceremony - a party when I pass my CPC exam (IF I do!)
I'm sure it sounds silly to most of you, but it sounds like a lifesaver to me; a way to make my sidelined life worthy of celebrating, even if it's different from what I've always longed for and been repeatedly denied.
I don't pretend to know how God works or why He does things so differently from my expressed wishes. But he does and that's all there is to it.
Learning to accept what I cannot change brings me into a deeper relationship with him and purifies me in a way that getting everything I want could never do. I am learning how to appreciate that, but honestly I wish it weren't so painful....
So now, you'll have to excuse me while I open a new box of Kleenex, blow my nose for the 278th time, and then start planning a ridiculous, frivolous party, for no reason other than I am alive and kicking!
