I have a new hero. Her name is Eva Mozes Kor. Her family of six was sent to Auschwitz during WWII. Her mother, father and two older sisters all died in the camp. Eva and her sister Miriam survived because they were twins, and Dr. Josef Mengele needed twins for his genetic experiments. At 6 years of age the girls were subjected to horrific torture in the name of science. The man known as the Angel of Death visited her daily, but failed to kill her body or spirit.
As I watched a documentary about her life, I was struck by her ability to eventually forgive those who tortured her, even Dr. Mengele. One statement summed up her entire outlook: "There is a lot more to my life than Auschwitz. I don't think about it every day, but it has changed my life forever."
My own life has been fraught with pain and trauma, most of which I kept locked inside for almost 40 years. Like Eva, there is a lot more to my life than my past traumas, but they definitely changed my life forever. And although my experiences pale in comparison to hers and those who survived the Holocaust, genocides, wars and various other forms of torture throughout the centuries, I've struggled to forgive the people who stripped me of my innocence, of my ability to enjoy a carefree childhood, of who I could have been.
forgive [fəˈgɪv]
vb -gives, -giving, -gave, -given1. to cease to blame or hold resentment against (someone or something)
2. to grant pardon for (a mistake, wrongdoing, etc.)
3. (tr) to free or pardon (someone) from penalty
4. (tr) to free from the obligation of (a debt, payment, etc.)
I am capable of comprehending the various definitions, but I still find myself wondering.... What does forgiveness really encompass and how do I apply it to my life? How do I protect myself while forgiving those who have wronged me? How do I forgive those who don't want my forgiveness, or those who aren't even sorry? How do I forgive the criminals when I cannot forget the crimes? How do I stop resenting someone from wounding me without denying the existence of the wound? Can I ever trust someone again after being betrayed or hurt? The only answer I have right now is: I don't know.
Oh, I find it easy to forgive minor hurts and insults. Who cares if someone cut me off in traffic, gossiped about me, spoke harshly or generally slighted me? I have an abundance of grace in those instances. But cut me just a little deeper and suddenly I'm doling out forgiveness on a sliding scale. The deeper the pain the less forgiveness I can muster.
Oh, I find it easy to forgive minor hurts and insults. Who cares if someone cut me off in traffic, gossiped about me, spoke harshly or generally slighted me? I have an abundance of grace in those instances. But cut me just a little deeper and suddenly I'm doling out forgiveness on a sliding scale. The deeper the pain the less forgiveness I can muster.
One of the most practical definitions I've heard is this: forgiveness is giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. I'm not there yet. There is only one person I know who completely understands all of what forgiveness entails. He knew that forgiveness is active and painful, but he faced it head on because he loved whom he loved (me) more than he hated what he hated (my sin): Jesus Christ, the most holy Son of God is my ultimate hero. Oh how I wish I were willing to love my offenders more than I hate what they did to me. Not just because I want to walk in obedience, but because I want to be filled with grace and mercy for my fellow travelers. I am finding that the road to forgiveness is paved with stones of humility. I must first recognize my own ability to wound and devastate others and seek forgiveness from Christ before I can offer it in return. Only then can I forgive without reservation.
I know that I will always bear the scars of my wounds, just as Christ did, just as Eva Mozes Kor does, but I pray that those scars will not stop me from sincerely loving and pouring myself out to others. There are those who choose to live as victims forever, who stay in their own private Auschwitz, never finding freedom, peace and joy. They rot from the inside out, full of resentment and anger. And then there is someone like Mrs. Kor who realized that physical freedom from the Nazis did not bring her freedom from the pain, she only found that when she forgave her tormentors.
I know that I will always bear the scars of my wounds, just as Christ did, just as Eva Mozes Kor does, but I pray that those scars will not stop me from sincerely loving and pouring myself out to others. There are those who choose to live as victims forever, who stay in their own private Auschwitz, never finding freedom, peace and joy. They rot from the inside out, full of resentment and anger. And then there is someone like Mrs. Kor who realized that physical freedom from the Nazis did not bring her freedom from the pain, she only found that when she forgave her tormentors.
Obviously I have a long way to go in my understanding of forgiveness, grace and mercy. I don't know much, but I do know a few things:
- Forgiveness is a process - it took Mrs. Kor 50 years!
- Forgiveness is not a denial of the truth
- Forgiveness does not erase the past
- Forgiveness does not deny or belittle the traumas we endure
- Forgiveness does not mean the offenders escape justice
Hopefully as I continue my pursuit of truth, God will grant me the ability to freely offer the same forgiveness I have been given.
