Dancing in the Rain

Several years ago, long before my Texas nieces and nephews cared about their hair or clothes, or whether they were cool or uncool, before the angst of adolescence settled over them, we used to dance in the rain. 

As the first drop fell we would excitedly run outside to twirl and dance in the grass, arms lifted, mouths open, tongues catching raindrops, all the while giggling and splashing with total abandon. It was glorious to play in the cool, refreshing shower and always left us giddy and breathless.  We would smile for hours afterward as we sat snuggled on the sofa, covered in beach towels, watching cartoons and sipping cocoa.

For those brief moments, I allowed myself to indulge in carefree spontaneity.  I would spin, laugh and totally lose myself in sheer delight, blissfully unconcerned with what anyone else thought.  It was a simple joy shared with kids who meant the world to me.  Of all the things I've done with them over the past 17 years, dancing in the rain is one of my most cherished memories. 

There's something healing and beautiful about a child's ability to enjoy the simplest things in life. Dancing with my nieces and nephews was the closest I've ever been to finding that ability in myself, to finding that innocent little girl of whom I have no memory all these years later.   

Lately there has been something stirring inside my soul, something unidentified trying to burst through my practical, reserved demeanor. I find myself yearning to dance in the rain again, both physically and spiritually.  I have no idea what it will look like, but I know I don't want to do it alone.  So if you're a brave, carefree soul and have any ideas, let me know and we'll find ways to dance with abandon, even if it isn't raining!

Adventures in Puppy Parenting - Chewing it Up

What? I'm not eating your shoes...

I was just moving them for you....
Yeah, that's it!

I promise!

Ah, the teething phase, I REALLY hope he outgrows it soon. Right now as I type, my adorable puppy is gnawing the window sill while eyeing the mini-blinds and curtain. I just noticed that he has already pulled a thread from the once perfect curtain and tried to eat it. Grrr. If I didn't know better I'd think he was hungry, but his belly is most definitely full. Earlier today I had an inkling that he was up to something when he didn't follow me into the kitchen. No sooner had I left the room than he shredded the tissue I had left on the coffee table.






Exhibit A

So far he has inflicted the following damage:

1. He has eaten a hunk out of the wall
2. Destroyed my USB cord
3. Eaten tags off of every toy, blanket, doggy bed, etc. It's his favorite thing to do and it's the first thing he looks for on new toys. I frequently find his beds upside down and the tags chewed
4. Chewed the window sill , curtains and window blinds AND gnawed my sofa cushion, pillows, blankets, comforter, towels, shoes and purse
5. Attempted to eat the vacuum cord, computer cord, lamp cord, or any other cord - if he can get to it it's fair game
6. Mutilated several toys - his bunny is missing it's tail and her back leg is practically severed; his teething bone is unrecognizable and I frequently step on the hard pieces of blue rubber; his bouncy ball is no more - he chewed it in half, ate some of the rubber before I could get to it and proceeded to throw up on my bed, at 4:00 am - um, I'm afraid I wasn't too gracious about it either!

Exhibit B

Sigh. If he wasn't so darn cute he'd be in the dog house, literally. But when he looks at me with his tongue sticking out I find him absolutely irresistible and smother him with kisses! He's got my number!

Puppy Love!

On May 30, 2009 I became the proud "mama" of a bouncing (he literally bounces), 3 pound baby boy named Zeus. He now weighs in at 6.1 pounds and fills my mornings and nights with lots of play and affection.

Here is the photo that made me want to meet him:

Here are a few more recent photos that cannot even possibly begin to capture why I love him SO much:

Sigh, all prejudices aside he really is one of the MOST adorable puppies I've ever seen, and because of his adorableness I now know all of my neighbors and random people who walk by. He attracts A LOT of attention, and he's so friendly and playful that most people are smitten with him immediately. He's a sensitive little guy who gets his feelings hurt when other dogs do not want to be his friend. One of our neighbors Ginger, a Shitzu mix, actually bit him a few weeks ago. But he doesn't hold grudges and his initial sadness wore off after, oh 2 seconds or so. He is a persistent little chap who STILL tries to play with her when he sees her, but I am a wee bit overprotective and remind him gently that she tried to eat him, so no we will NOT be making her acquaintance! Popeye, the silver and black poodle who lives next door, is also a wee bit grouchy but he is warming up to Zeus little by little. Poor Zeus, he really doesn't understand how annoying he is to the elderly.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have LOTS of stories to tell about my "Adventures in Puppy Parenting". I'm convinced that I should write the sequel to "Marley & Me" because apparently I have his spawn.....

Happy Things

A few weeks ago as this latest season of thanks was blown in on the cool, fall breeze, I began my annual tradition of reflecting on the things for which I'm overwhelmingly grateful. Obviously I have an infinite number of reasons to humbly offer my gratitude to the Almighty, and trust me I do - obsessively. But, aside from the never changing blessings of my faith, health, job and freedom - I have an eclectic list of things that bring me joy. Here is a small, by no means exhaustive, list of some of my most recent, favorite, "happy things":

* Run on sentences, keep reading and you'll see why; it would be truly impossible for me to blog or journal without them!

* Good, original, funky, contemporary art with amazing colors, interesting composition and unexpected form, it has made decorating my place so much more exciting, especially when I find something unique that no one else will ever have.

* Hummus, I think I should invest in it because I eat it almost every day without fail. I like all varieties and shovel it in like a starving, desperate woman instead of a civilized, obviously well-fed American. It's too good for me to pass up and I hope I never have to live without it. Yummy!


* Pedicures are such a delightful way to spend an hour, what could be better than someone massaging my feet and calves, putting goopy, smelly green stuff on my feet and scrubbing off my callouses to reveal soft, smooth skin all before painting my toenails in lovely shades of "Rosy Mistletoe" (complete with daisies to decorate my big toe), "Let Them Eat Cake", "Smokin' in Havana" or "Grand Canyon Sunset"?

* Mineral makeup that doesn't cake or sink into the "fine lines" that have sprouted on my once smooth face. This stuff is great, comes with an SPF of 15 and doesn't fade as quickly as liquid makeup, which I loathe anyway; it also doesn't rub off on my clothes and does a fairly decent job of covering my "spots" as my nephew likes to call them. I'm a believer and there's no goin' back now, look for me on the next infomercial!


* Soy Chai, from Starbuck's to Serina's I don't care just serve it to me hot and I'm happy, this stuff is ADDICTIVE (thanks for getting me hooked Serina) and a very nice treat when the weather is cool and I'm tired of diet soda.

* 1010987. I LOVE those 7 digits because dialing them symbolizes one of the best parts of my week, the chance to talk to Laurie for a good hour or two, even if it is usually at some horribly early hour on this side of the Atlantic when I should be snoring, but instead find myself dialing the magic numbers that let us stay connected, INEXPENSIVELY, even though there are thousands of miles and 7 hours between us.

* Cheap gas - $1.65/gal yesterday, I haven't paid that little since 2005!!! Although as a side note, I must add that I would be even MORE grateful if "W" and Dick would try to rectify at least one of their many booboos and "encourage" their greedy, price-gouging, CEO friends to refund us lowly middle class folk for all of the overpriced gas we were forced to purchase the past 3 years....okay, back to happy things!

* Silence - which mostly brings me peace, serenity and rest, especially if I have my candles lit and the air is scented with a mix of spices, and I'm wearing my pink plaid flannel jammies. I crave silence, which scares me on some level because it confirms that I have officially turned into an old fogey, as evidenced by my near panic attacks at the thought of too much noise and/or chaos, unless I'm at a concert or something, at which point silence is way overrated. But, I have to be honest and admit that sometimes I can't stand the silence and freak out and become completely irrational and difficult to handle. This usually occurs when I'm in the throes of PMS and as Laurie, Serina or Steph can attest to, it's NOT pretty, which leads me to my next happy thing.....

* Girlfriends. How would anyone of us survive our emotions, men, families, fashion and PMS without a girlfriend, or two, or three, or four, to listen to us whine, moan, kvetch, vent and over analyze every word, action, deed or encounter we have with every single person in a given day? And HOW would we ever go to the bathroom alone or know what to expect when contemplating hair dye, new laundry detergent, lipstick shades and the best shampoo? Impossible to imagine.

* Malibu Castle - okay, to be honest I don't really love this place for me, BUT I do love to spend time with my nephews and THEY love this place, so that means I love it by default because it makes them happy and I get to watch and participate in their happiness, which in turn makes me happy! Got that?

* Road trips are still fun even after experiencing so many of them, especially when I don't have to drive - watching the miles pass by, wondering about the drivers and passengers in other cars, singing with abandon, keeping an eye out for the next bathroom, trying to figure out how to read the map/directions so we don't get horribly lost in an unfamiliar city - been there, done that! (note to self - on a map, "W" is an abbreviation for "West" not our outgoing President......)

* My Personal Trainer - as I type this I'm forcing myself to be grateful because her idea of a workout is more like my idea of torture. And since she won the battle of wills today I can barely walk, instead I'm kind of hobbling like a pirate with a peg leg after pushing 260 pounds with my calves. Do I hear a collective ouch? BUT, when I get out the measuring tape and see that I have lost 3 inches off of my waist and 3 inches off of my hips I become exceedingly grateful that she has a sadistic side, so I'm signing up for more torture and investing my money in the gym, the stock market is too volatile anyway!

* India Palace - the BEST Indian Food in San Antonio. Which means I should thank Rene for introducing me to my favorite haunt....and Lane for making sure I get my fix on a regular basis....and Laurie for indulging me when she would rather have had Mexican food....and Amy for trying something new when I had a craving and an interview across the street. Oh, the list goes on and on.....India Palace is a VERY happy thing!

* Clay Casa - even though I'm a "wannabe" when it comes to art, this place lets me be creative in a variety of ways - painting pottery, piecing together mosaics, glass fusion and now silver jewelry molding. Woohoo!!! AND, my niece usually goes with me so I get to spend 3 hours of quality time being creative with her, which is more fun than spending 3 hours being creative alone, unless I'm in my silent mode.....

* Family, even the crazy ones. They make me laugh (and cry) and give me someone to "blame" for my neurosis. They also remind me of where I come from and sometimes scare me with visions of how I'll look when I'm old......Dad, did you HAVE to pass on your chin and thighs to me??? Seriously, those really should have gone to the boys!

* Friends, people who love me, or TRY to because they WANT to, NOT because they have to. WOW, it's completely overwhelming to share my very messy life with people who could easily and with good reason choose to walk away from my complicated, neurotic self. Thanks for sticking it out with me. Because you love me well and practice the type of community modeled by Christ I have found deep healing and a safe place to discover who I am. For you I'm most grateful.

Nostalgia

Nostalgia is one of the bittersweet by-products of getting older. Reminiscing about the years gone by; looking back at who I used to be; seeing who I am today; looking forward to who I have yet to become. Sometimes there are tears as I confront the dying dreams of my youth. But usually I find serenity when I start digging in their rubble, because despite pain and disappointment, my life is good, and full, and happy. And for that, I'm grateful.

Last weekend was full of nostalgic digging for me. I felt like I was stuck in a time warp as I was transported to my youth during a reunion concert of one of my favorite artists. Granted, most of the concert-goers were, ahem, "aging", some more gracefully than others, and no one really stood or danced for long, (at least not like they did 20 years ago!) Yet, it was still fun watching the band, swaying to the rhythm, listening (and singing!) every word to songs I've known for 20-25 years. Remembering what they meant to me when most of my life was still stretched out before me. Knowing what they mean now as I approach the middle of my life. Wondering what they will mean when I'm old and gray and spend more of my time remembering than doing. Those 3-minute melodies formed the soundtrack of my youth and they always transport me back in time.

As the last strains of that soundtrack faded I traveled on to Tulsa to attend the wedding of my nephew, a man still in the prime of his life. Youthful, handsome, hopeful. It was moving to watch the man I remember as a little boy embrace his glowing bride. To observe my parents as their pride and joy, my brother, watched his own pride and joy enter a new stage of life. I don't think I've ever seen my brother "beam" as he did on that night. To catch a glimpse of nostalgia as it crossed my sister-in-law's face and momentarily clouded her stunning blue eyes with tears. To sit and know the groom's sister, my niece, as an equal, a fully grown, married woman instead of the girl she once was. It was deeply moving and powerful to watch all of these things with the memories of soccer games, dance recitals, graduations and travels swirling around in my head. How has time passed so quickly?

As nostalgic as I sometimes am for the carefree days of my 20s, other than Laurie moving back, I usually don't ever want things to go back to how they used to be. Too many painful wounds that I'd rather leave alone. So, although I allow myself some nostalgia, I'd rather move forward, learn, grow, live and love. Freely. Openly. Vulnerably. Peacefully. And so I am.

BREAKING NEWS!

STRESSED BILLING MANAGER ACCEPTS BETTER OFFER

Here's the scoop. Last Friday I received a phone call from a friend. She had spoken to a doctor who was looking for a new Practice Administrator. She told him about me. He and I spoke on Friday night. His partner called me later on in the evening. We all agreed to meet at the Starbuck's on Blanco and 1604 on Saturday at 3:30 pm. I arrived at 3:15 pm. At 3:45 pm I still did not see the doctors. I paged them and discovered that there are 2 Starbuck's at Blanco and 1604. In that instant I discovered that it is possible to be lost even when it looks like you're in the right place....(I'm sure there's a spiritual analogy there but I'm too tired to delve into it!) Anyway, I drove to the correct Starbuck's and met the long suffering doctors.

We talked for 1 1/2 hours and discussed their practice style, software, staff and all of their expectations. Most encouraging to me was how comfortable we were together. Both are easy to talk to and friendly and have chosen to practice at a slower pace in order to offer their patients the best care. Also, the lead doctor is a man of deep faith. He leads ACTS retreats through his church, performs at least 2 medical mission trips a year and prioritizes his life in the following way:

1. GOD


2. Family


3. Work

By Sunday afternoon I had a very nice offer including 4 WEEKS OF VACATION. Yes, you read that right 4 WEEKS OF VACATION!!!! Do you KNOW how happy that made me??? 4 WEEKS OF VACATION!!!! I would actually be able to visit Laurie in Europe and go on mission trips all in the same year!!! Happy, happy, happy!

Well, enough about my 4 WEEKS OF VACATION!!! The doctor asked me to pray about the offer and I told him I would do that and make a decision on Monday. By Monday morning I was a nervous wreck. The offer just seemed too go to be true and having been burned so much lately I could find NO peace. I got a pep talk from Laurie and then called the doctor to accept the position. Do you know what he said? He said, "Praise the Lord! I prayed about this and told God that it was all in his hands. I am the kind of person who wants the best for everyone so even though I want what is best for my practice, I wanted you to make the best decision for you." At that point I start crying. I'm slightly overwhelmed that someone who doesn't even know me would put my best interests above those of his own.

So yesterday I resigned. My boss told me that I would leave a huge hole...that I had built the business office from nothing and no one can replace me...that I was an investment...that she was sad. Then she offered my position and a much higher salary to another employee 5 minutes later. So much for being an irreplaceable investment! I don't blame her, my news was a huge shock and she has a business to run. I have no bitterness and no regrets and I will leave on good terms. I learned a lot and will miss many of my co-workers, but I have to admit I will not miss working in a closet and dodging vagrants and rats on the 2-block hike to my car!

My last day is July 17. Then I will be enjoying some of my favorite girlfriends for a weekend retreat. I plan to head to the beach or Laity Lodge for a few days the following week so I can chill out before beginning my new job on July 28.

Thanks to everyone who has prayed for me, offered advice or just listened to me whine. Hopefully I will get back to my old self once I begin my new job and have 4 WEEKS OF VACATION to look forward to!!!