Usually when I see a snail I walk the other way, all the while shuddering as I think, "People
eat those things?" Well now that I have a very curious puppy, walking away is out of the question. Zeus loves all kinds of creatures, but he is especially fascinated with snails.
Recently we have seen many snails on our morning walks. Just today we saw a large snail sporting an intricately designed, brown shell. I was shocked at how beautiful it was; it looked like it had been hand decorated by an exotic henna artist!
For a few moments I stood distracted as I admired its outward beauty and tried to keep Zeus from tormenting it to death. But it wasn't long before I grew bored because I knew that wasn't the real snail. What I wanted to see was the slimy, messy, unattractive but infinitely more interesting snail with little antennas and funny eyes. I wanted to see what was inside that fancy shell.
As we stood quietly our patience was rewarded as he slowly began to emerge. He looked both ways several times, twitched his antennas and finally exposed his vulnerable body to the elements AND to my dog. Of course, Zeus was eager to play with his new "friend" and scared him back into his shell almost immediately.
I always thought that everything about snails was slow, but boy howdy when that little fella felt threatened by the giant, eager puppy blocking his path he retreated faster than the speed of sound! I stood giggling for several more minutes as he repeatedly emerged at a typical snail's pace and retreated like a speeding bullet at the first sign of Zeus. Each time he was scared back into his shell he became slower to emerge and quicker to retreat.
Finally I made Zeus wait off to the side so the snail could breathe. Once he felt safe enough to begin traveling again I watched as he made slow but steady progress toward the giant shrub that he was intent on destroying. My landlord may have preferred that I let Zeus scare him away but I just couldn't do it, because in observing that snail, I observed myself.
I am a lot like that snail. It takes a very long time for me to poke my head out and see if it's safe. It's an agonizing process and requires much patience from those who are curious about what's on the inside. If I feel safe once I'm "on the outside" I make slow and steady progress toward my humble goals. Sadly I often destroy good things in a continued effort to protect myself when I feel vulnerable, but unlike the snail I specialize in self-destruction! Once someone or something scares me I retreat more quickly than that snail, speeding bullets have nothing on me. I am quick to protect the vulnerable, slimy, mess hidden inside. I paint, pad, clothe and generally use my shell to distract people from the real me, and I fall into that pattern over and over again.
To be fair, the shell is necessary at times. It doesn't do much good for me to always play the martyr or to live as a victim. Yet exposing the truth of myself is risky because I can easily get hurt, even by people I trust, or especially by people I trust. But it doesn't change the fact that I want to live without fear when I'm outside of my shell; to do my work, love my friends and reach out to those in need. I want to expose the real, slimy mess of my life to people who will help protect me from the harsh elements so I don't suffocate or shrivel and die inside of myself. The only way I find the courage to try again is when I remember that God loves the real me more than the shell. In exposing myself to others I'm really exploring who I am and letting His love and redemption transform me into the woman He always hoped I would be instead of a shell of her.
So now you know, I'm a slimy mess, slow and awkward. Maybe by admitting that it will give those around me freedom to expose the truth about themselves, because as I've discovered, living in a shell is kind of like living in my own little prison. It might be pretty but it's still a gilded cage.
