Today was a hard day. I said goodbye to several people who have been part of my daily life for 11 years. It was excruciating in so many ways, and premature because I was emotionally prepared to do it next week, but alas, that was not meant to be. Guess it was fitting that today was Friday the 13th. As the last of my personal items were loaded into my car, hugs were exchanged, and tears were shed, I started the engine and drove away for the last time. Thankful for Bluetooth and modern technology, I had my car call Laurie, who always lets me cry, rage, talk, and vent until I get ahold of myself. Believe me, I needed the moral support at that point.
Leaving Ability was not easy, it was a privilege to be part of an Agency that focuses on disadvantaged, special needs kids. I love my co-workers, the therapists, nurses and what it stands for, and I always will. But at the ripe old age of 52, soon to be 53, and 35 years in health care, I knew it was time to reinvent myself.
The past 11 years have been A LOT. I had delicate neck surgery, got laid off, started this job, survived being trapped in a burning building the next week, complete with a dramatic rescue (is it any wonder why I have a sweet spot for firefighters?), spent months recovering, worked a lot, traveled (my favorite!), began the caregiving chapter for my parents, bought a house, developed pulmonary hypertension and early heart failure from a birth defect, RECOVERED, developed POTS, learned I have Hypermobile Ehler's Danlos, fell A LOT, tore my rotator cuff, entered into long-term physical therapy (Thanks Mike, and Jorge, the only other person I let help me when Mike is out), lost both of my parents, closed their estate, had a car accident and then near mental breakdown with so much anxiety I thought I was going to have to admit myself, had a break in, paid WAY too much for plumbing repairs and security, and resigned from my job. (I'm purposely ignoring COVID, some other painful things, and inflation, because BLEH.....) No wonder I need to spend several days sleeping and not being beholden to anyone or anything else.
I'm sure you can relate; it seems like everyone I know is dealing with too much and more than they ever asked to or thought they could handle. It's gets old after a while, and it messes with you on a very deep level. I keep reminding my friends, AND myself, that although God may give us more than WE can handle, he NEVER, EVER gives us more than HE can handle. For that I am grateful.
I'm choosing to see the unexpected days off between jobs as a gift and plan to read a lot, workout a lot, sleep as much as humanly possible, eat lots of lunches with lots of friends, enjoy lots of dinners with lots of friends, sleep some more, shop, get a manicure, maybe a facial, and do whatever I want, whenever I want before starting my new job with a landscape architecture firm.
I am excited, hopeful, really drained from an emotional week, tired from a few months of not sleeping thanks to the pervert who broke into my home, and kind of in awe that my new employers are excited to have me join them and I get to learn a new industry and make my mark at a new job regardless of my age.
God has continued to work wonders in my life, despite my best attempts to thwart him, and I hope you can stop and see when and how he does the same in yours. So, although I shun New Year's resolutions, I resolve to be excited for new beginnings, find joy despite my circumstances, make better decisions that are in MY best interest, keep finding my voice, set better boundaries, and dream again. May 2023 bring you the same. You've got this! And as my new necklace says (thank you Christy for knowing and loving me so well) - You're Enough (and I'm adding this P.S.: when you're not, Jesus IS.)
